Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'll Try ANYTHING That Can Make Uber-Manly Jesus General "Tear Up!"

Well, it isn't really Jesus' Ubermanly General. It is an associate, named Tammy, who is dabbing her eyes. But it's on The General's site.

The book sounds terrific. I hope they don't make it into a movie, cuz--as my good brother, Pelican Pete, maintains--the dog ALWAYS dies in the movies...They die way too soon anyway; making movies about it doesn't help...Speaking of which, here's the poem:
The Revenant - Billy Collins

I am the dog you put to sleep,
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,
come back to tell you this simple thing:
I never liked you--not one bit.

When I licked your face,
I thought of biting off your nose.
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

I resented the way you moved,
your lack of animal grace,
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,
a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.

I would have run away,
but I was too weak, a trick you taught me
while I was learning to sit and heel,
and--greatest of insults--shake hands without a hand.

I admit the sight of the leash
would excite me
but only because it meant I was about
to smell things you had never touched.

You do not want to believe this,
but I have no reason to lie.
I hated the car, the rubber toys,
disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.

The jingling of my tags drove me mad.
You always scratched me in the wrong place.
All I ever wanted from you
was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.

While you slept, I watched you breathe
as the moon rose in the sky.
It took all of my strength
not to raise my head and howl.

Now I am free of the collar,
the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,
the absurdity of your lawn,
and that is all you need to know about this place

except what you already supposed
and are glad it did not happen sooner--

that everyone here can read and write,
the dogs in poetry, the cats and the others in prose.
Oh, by the way: This is what happens when you go racing in the rain (about a MILLION dollars worth of automobiles--Ferraris, Sellenes, A GTR among them--become metallic and plastic hash; not for the faint of heart...):

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