Monday, March 16, 2009

OMIGAWD! Pat Boone's Taken The Brown Acid

Someone somewhere decided it would be informative (?), or entertaining (?), or instructional (?) to ask an aging and obviously droolingly, flatulently senescent Pat Boone (yeah, THAT Pat Boone) about what he'd do if he ran the zoo. He had a dream, you see:
News Bulletin: In a stunning, unprecedented civilian uprising, President Obama, Vice President
Biden, Speaker Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Reid were recalled and sent packing. Practically overnight, responding to the national emergency, an extraordinary election propelled entertainer/activist Pat Boone into the White House. The new president just revealed his first-term agenda. ...
After running the gamut of (ranging from odd to utterly depraved) Wing/Loon/Fundi/Fascist craziness, Pat got to Education (DOTOF™: PZM/Pharyngula):
As a man who intended to be a teacher myself, I issued an ultimatum to the teachers' unions: They would return to basic math, including arithmetic, and basic English (the mandated official language), and basic science devoid of unproven theories like evolution, sticking instead to factual evidence and not discounting "intelligent design" as the more scientific basis for life and existence. All history books would again detail the reasons America was founded, and tell the stories of our Founding Fathers and national heroes - not latter day revisions. Teachers' pay and advancement would depend on the test scores and comprehension of their students.
We might be forgiven for wondering why such people are permitted to actually reproduce, when they are obviously such monumentally bad gene-donors...

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