You Might Be A ...

A blog-pal Liberality, the librarian who runs the eponymous blog, Liberality, posted this little exercise over the weekend, and I am only lately come by it. It is very comprehensive, but obviously not complete. So feel free to add your own suggestions here or on her blog:

YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF...

*You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
* You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend."
* You're a pro-lifer, but (pro-war. W )support the death penalty.
* You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
* You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
* You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."
* You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
* You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
* You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
* You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
* You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
* You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
* You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
* Vietnam (or Iraq...W makes a lot of sense to you.
* You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America (or Barack Obama. W).
* You've ever said, "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
* You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
* You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
* You've ever called education (housing, health-care, a decent diet...W) a luxury.
* You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle (or just see "tile"...W
* You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
* You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
* You're afraid of the "liberal media."
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
* You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
* You think all artists are gay.
* You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
* You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes

I know you can add some more and feel free to put them in the comments section. In the interest of full disclosure I got this from here. Oh, and just so you know, I don't think the democrats are a whole hell of a lot better although I vote for them.

That last one, about the bootstraps, is one of my favorites. Adding my own: *If you've ever uttered the phrase "reverse discrimination" in anything but an ironic tone of voice, or: *Believe only religious people can be moral/Believe atheists CANNOT be, or: Think you can't be propagandized...

I objected mildly that this list is not especially partisan and was probably a more reliable index of general ass-holesomeness than evidence of particularly partisan douche-baggery. I also added my own coda:

Another that I find particularly obnoxious is: "You don't solve problems by throwing money at them."

Ah-Roh??

Well yes you do, actually.

Money's usually the first necessary ingredient for 'solving' problems, especially social problem.

I'll believe throwing money at them doesn't solve problems when people with lots of money stop throwing it at their problems...

As to the graphic at the top, well I have never been able to resist a good, gratuitous insult...

So sue me.