Friday, February 6, 2009

Why Does CorpoRat Murka Hate Michael Phelps?

Could it be because he gives the lie to that central pillar of USer anti-pot propaganda: that marijuana use makes you a lazy loser, leads to other drugs, and in any case, indicates a weak character...

You must have seen by now the video or the photo of lean, lanky Phelps hauling a LONG, bubbly bong-hit, while relaxing among friends somewhere in Britain last week.

Michael Phelps is a multiple, multiple Olympic Gold Medal winneer. He's disciplined, and a ferocious competitor. The only reason Michael Phelps didn't win any more medals in Beijing is that there weren't any more to win...

And he smokes a little weed from time to time. Some weak character.

But comes now Kellogg, Inc. to make an example of Phelps. They withdrew their sponsorship/spokesperson agreement with Phelps, claiming his behavior reflected badly on their sugary, obesity-inducing breakfast products company image.

Boycott Kellogg. If you have some of their products in the cupboard, put 'em out on the snow for the birds, and go buy Post, or General Foods if you must consume sugar-covered grain foods to quell your munchies. The following was on FreeSpeechZone today, along with that WAAAAY kewl graphic at the top left:

Feburary 5th, 2009

BigLEAF (the infamous marijuana policy institute) hereby announces a full and complete boycott of the Kellogg's corporation starting Feburary 5th, 2009.

We call for a boycott of Kellogg's due to their complete disregard of stoned consumers, culminating in their dismissal of Michael Phelps (aka "the greatest Olympian") and their support of the DEA's war against innocent stoners who just want to smoke and munch in peace.

Most major sponsors, such as Visa Inc., Speedo, Swiss watchmaker Omega and sports beverage PureSport's maker Human Performance Labs, stood by the Oolympian following the news, even if they didn't condone his behavior.

But Battle Creek, Mich.-based cereal and snack maker Kellogg said Phelps's behavior is "not consistent with the image of Kellogg's." Therefore, BigLEAF has decided that Kellogg's products are "no longer consistent with the image of stoners" and will no longer be used as munchies by any stoner across the country and the world.

Cereal products such as Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Krispies and Fruit Loops were long considered the cornerstone of any balanced stoner breakfast, but not anymore.

In addition, BigLEAF is calling for a boycott of all Kellogg's brands, including Eggo Waffles, Cheez-It crackers, Keebler, Famous Amos and Nutri-grain. [learn more about kellogg's at wikipedia]

BigLEAF vows to maintain the boycott until Kellogg's admits their mistake and restores Olympian Michael Phelps to the side of their cereal boxes and issues an apology to stoners everywhere.

"We believe Kellog's decision is irresponsible," the director of BigLEAF added. "We're calling on consumers to boycott Kellogg's until the practice is stopped. If people must purchase Kellog's products, we are asking them to reduce their purchases or purchase generic store brand cereals. Every little bit helps.

* * * *
BigLEAF is a grass-roots consumer group fighting for the legalization of marijuana since 2009. With hundreds of thousands of members in all 50 U.S. states and over 30 countries worldwide, BigLEAF seeks to educate corporations about marketing strategies that insult their consumers and to encourage cannibus-conscious shopping habits across the retail spectrum.

Further Information:
I don't know what rank sugary, sweet cereal drenched in milk holds in the archives of Stoner Munchie notoriety, but it's gotta be pretty far up there.

This boycott will be hard on stoners, because some pretty decent munchies are made by Kellogg:

Apple Jacks® Cereal
Austin® Cookies and Crackers
Carr's® Products
Cheez-It® Crackers
Chips Deluxe® Cookies
Crunchmania™ Products
Famous Amos® Cookies
Fruit Flavored Rolls
Hydrox® Cookies
Jack's® Cookies
Jackson's® Cookies
Keebler® Cookies and Crackers, which includes:
Chips Deluxe® Cookies
EL Fudge® Sandwich Cookies
Fudge Shoppe® Cookies
Keebler® Grahams Crackers
Kellogg's® Keebler Cookie Crunch™ Cereal
Krispy® Saltine Crackers
Sandies® Cookies
Scooby-Doo!® Crackers
Soft Batch® Cookies
Vienna Cremes®
Vienna Fingers®
You can see it is going to require a serious sacrifice by stoners of the world to protest the outrageous treatment of one of our brothers, but a dood's gotta do what a doob's gotta do...

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